throat

About a year and a half ago – I had an experience where I was paralyzed with sadness by the loss of my community.  I had endured the bad behavior of a few people in my community.   Their behavior included gas lighting, narcissism and lying.  Then my boss tried to blame me for his failed money management and people skills.  It was devastating.  I tried reaching out to colleagues and speaking up for myself but the overwhelming tide of negativity was hard to rise above.  I started having health issues, the longer I stayed.  My neck became very stiff, I started having migraines and at one point my tongue started to go numb.  It got so out of hand that I finally resigned from my beloved job, at my children’s school where I lived across the street.

I walked away from my whole world and community – but still had to take my children to and from school each day for the remainder of that school year and I had to politely waive to former colleagues as they pulled out the back gate of the school when they saw me in my front yard.  I had quit but then I found I was stuck and I didn’t know how to move forward.  My power had been sucked out of me and I couldn’t get it back.  I was experiencing a dark night of the soul.

I started going to the chiropractor regularly to regain my health and began reporting into my favorite yoga studio for morning Hatha – like it was my employer, just to keep up some structure and prevent me from sulking in my pjs all day.  Four months later when I still wasn’t recovering, I reached out to my psychic and life coach for some insight into what I was experiencing.  She acknowledged that I had been thrown under the bus and she said I was still energetically being dragged through the mud.  Although the bus driver – my former boss had been fired soon after I left, others had taken up the collective consciousness and carried on where he left off.  

She advised me to pull my children out of their school, to sell my house and move out of the neighborhood.  Wow.  This was dramatic advice but deep within me, I knew she was right.  I had to make a bold move and stop being on the receiving end of mud slinging and energy vampirism.  I also knew that although most of the families in our community didn’t know what was coming, when all the fear based agendas of the remaining leadership would come to fruition – it would not be a healthy place to be in community. In fact even now a year and half later, living 30 miles away – I still hear almost weekly from friends and acquaintances that they are shocked by the way current leaders of the school talk about what has transpired there.  It breaks my heart every time. 

My psychic and life coach turned me on to a book called From Dark to Light by Belinda Davidson which I read cover to cover.  I was on vacation in Hawaii at the time that this all came together.  After reading Belinda’s book I realized that I had a chakra issue but I didn’t know which one.  I asked the Universe to show me where my block was – the block that created the weakness in me that caused me to be the target of such abuse.  Within 24 hours of asking the question, I got a severe sore throat.  So that was it – there was my answer.  I had an issue with my 5th chakra.

One of my fav bloggers, Intuition Physician had a video post about the 5th chakra that helped me identify where the block was.  I concentrated on my sore throat and realized the soreness was mostly on my right side by the 2nd day of my illness – that meant it was on its way out.  Left side receiving, right side sending out.  I did a lot of reading on the 5th chakra while I was in bed with my sore throat.  It really helped and by the time I recovered I had identified what I needed to do to shore up my 5th chakra with regular meditation and visualization to keep it healthy.

I realized in hindsight that I had been struggling with 5th chakra issues my whole life.  My speech was sometimes fragmented.  I usually hoped most people could read my mind in between the few words I would usually share.  Sometimes I struggled to get communication out – I could be very direct using as few words as possible or sometimes  I would muster up so much courage, I would over speak and be too abrasive.  As a child I had asthma.  I was incredibly shy and had trouble speaking to anyone I didn’t know well.  I frequently had dreams where my voice was gone and I couldn’t defend myself.  All of this pointed to a long history of 5th chakra issues.

I once lost a bracelet, only to find one of my co-workers wearing it. She had obviously found it but I didn’t want to confront her, I was just going to let it go. My friend had a message for me from the Native American Grandmothers she had been working with – that when people take from you – you have to take it back otherwise you become depleted and they hold some energetic power over you.  She encouraged me to get the bracelet back – she said it was important.  I finally got up the courage to find a way to let my colleague know I had lost the bracelet she was wearing and get it back from her. It was very empowering – more than I had anticipated.  I think this holding of boundaries and not letting others take from me is part of my 5th chakra work.

When I returned from Hawaii, I did some more work with my psychic and she helped me realize that some of my 5th chakra problem was related to a past life where I was strangled to death.  I literally had a past life throat crushing injury that I was energetically holding on to.  She also helped me to realize that some of the life choices I made pre-birth were designed to help me overcome this limitation.  For example, I was raised in a Jehovah’s Witness family where women seldom have a voice and what one can and cannot say is heavily regulated.  I was repeating a pattern in this life that I needed to break in order to evolve.

My former boss was another relic from a different past life where I was imprisoned.  He was one of the prison guards.  She explained that in that life he always made sure he was the one to bring my rations of food and he gave me barely enough to stay alive but acted as though he was being so generous.  Apparently I had some sort of compassion for this guard in my past life to my own detriment – I continued to stay imprisoned longer than necessary because I thought I could help him.  It was so similar to my experience of him in this life as my boss – I stayed and took his abuse way too long all the while he was barely giving me enough information to do my job but acting as though he was being so generous.

I later found that another of my former co-workers from that job who had played a large role in my demise was also someone that I had past life karma with.  In my most recent past life, I was killed in a brothel.  She was the madam and she tampered with evidence in order to protect the real murderer, framing a friend of mine.  In my current life she had worked behind the scenes with some of her friends on the board to paint a picture of me that was beyond destructive and she did it to protect her own employment interests in the wake of a looming budget crisis.

So I did the dramatic thing, that summer – I pulled my children out of school. I sold my house and I took a similar job at a sister school on the opposite side of town.  My former employer then came after me for withdrawing my children – they wanted me to pay 35% of the tuition for the school year we did not attend.  We hadn’t even completed our re-enrollment agreement with the school, my husband had never signed the agreement.  Since I was no longer an employee – both parents were required to sign for the children to be considered re-enrolled.  That didn’t matter they came after me anyway – but interestingly enough what they wanted more than the money was my silence.

They said if I would sign a release of liability and non-disclosure agreement, that included arbitrary fines for speaking out against the school, at their discretion – they would forgive the debt that they were trying to hold me to.  I wrote them and explained that I had always taken the high road when speaking about the school and that I didn’t believe the debt was valid (nor did my attorney) and so out of respect for my 5th chakra I was not going to sign the non-disclosure agreement.  This did not go well – they sent me a series of bullying emails and have now sent me to two different bill collectors with whom I have been corresponding.  No matter how much it ends up costing me – I am resolved to never sign a gag order, out of respect for my 5th chakra.  I have a new attorney reviewing my case now and I still hope there will be an amicable resolution but when it comes to karma and energy streams – one never knows.

I’m a big believer in not giving attention or energy to what isn’t working or positive so I’ve taken as passive of an approach as I can through all this drama.  I respond when I need to but refrain from freaking out about it.  At some point I might need to call on the strength of St. Michael to battle the negative behavior of the vary entity that believes Michael is their patron saint.  Energy streams can be forceful and difficult to shift.  However this resolves, I do know that I’ll never give up on my 5th chakra and that I refuse to repeat the pattern of throat crushing I’ve been repeating for lifetimes.  Power to my 5th Chakra!  I’ve found a place of gratitude for the entire experience which is really the important lesson – it’s truly taught me how to swim through life when the rug gets pulled out, which Steiner says is part of the path toward enlightenment. Grateful.

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