When I was forming an equity, inclusion and diversity committee at a Pasadena Independent School (I’ll call it, PWS), I did some research into the history of private schools in the area. Pasadena has the most private schools per capita of anywhere in the U.S. Not coincidentally, Pasadena was the first school district west of the Mississippi to be court ordered to de-segregate. Busing led to white flight out of the public schools into private schools. But it was a little more complex than that.

I read this Essay that explained some details of the complexities. Opponents of de-segregation used the tension in the community, especially amongst middle class homeowners to push forward their political agenda. They used fear to manipulate voters. The article explains that conservative, notably “fundamentalist” Christians played on the fears of the voters to get elected. “Stop Forced Busing” was their political slogan.

My research found that as political tensions in Pasadena pushed blacks to flee to Altadena (North of Pasadena) where my School was located, homeowners- mostly middle class who lived on the northern edge of Pasadena became fearful that their property values would drop and voted in politicians who stoked those fears and at the same time positioned themselves as the saviors. Those fundamentalist Christian politicians who played on the fears of the middle class were able to get a foothold in the political arena of what was historically a progressive region. The schools in the area changed from a progressive style of education inclusive of art and music to a more academic focused style. This is when the 2nd wave of progressive private schools like PWS were founded. Parents who valued progressive education formed new progressive non-profit independent schools.

I find it fascinating both then and now, how fear has been used by politicians to get votes that they might not have received without it.

What resonated with me when I did this research was how the politicians saw an opportunity in the fear people felt about de-segregation and used it to gain control of not only of the politics but also the public education system which is a way to influence the masses into the future.

I’ve recently read about a tactic Hitler used to get the popular vote in Weimer Germany when he rose to power. He would insight protests and violence in the streets and then claim he was the only leader who could quell the violence. When actually we all know too well with hindsight what his horrific legacy is.

I used to live with fear. A lot of fear. I was raised in a religion that taught fear of God. Fear of displeasing God. Fear of punishment. And that played on my deep seated innate fear of death to keep me obeying the religion’s strict code of conduct. Not coincidentally, many people believe raising children with fear of authority or punishment is a way to gain compliance and obedience which is valued in some circles.

This interplay between fear and brain washing is something. I lived it and freed myself from it, so I recognize it right away. I remember the day I decided not to live in fear, it was a powerful shift. Years later though I realized I was still living in fear. It was so deep that even though I had shed one layer, I was still operating, unconsciously with a deep and latent fear of death.

Some time later, I read Eckhardt Tolle’s A New Earth and being profoundly impacted. He said all fear is really a fear of death at its root. And most anger is also fear. After reading that, when I start to feel angry, I would ask myself, what I am afraid of? What is it that is triggering my fear of death? My most basic and primal instinct to survive?

Soon after this aha moment my daughter started to throw a 2 year old tantrum. I felt the anger welling up inside me. I immediately turned my attention from my flaling 2 year old to the feeling inside me. There was a ball of anger in my gut and I was having trouble holding back my own reactive outburst. I asked myself, what am I afraid of? I was afraid of the tantrum. Somehow having my daughter tantrum cut to my existence as a mother. Failing as a mother was triggering my fear of death. Fascinating. I changed the dynamic. I said to my daughter, “Im not afraid of a tantrum.” I don’t even know if she heard me but my stance changed and she lost my attention. She immediately stopped tantrumming. It was a powerful shift. She had so much control over me before. When I was in fear. As soon as I quit the fear – the tantrum had no power and she moved on.

I see the politicians today using violence in the streets as a fear stoking power grab.

Since my first awakening to the power of fear, I’ve learned more about the place of fear in our lives and how it blocks and displaces love and the flow in and out of our heart chakra.

When the backlash began to come down on me like a tsunami at PWS I began a deep meditation practice. Through that practice and my intense study of esoteric spiritual wisdom I learned that complete balance between loving kindness (some call it agape) and sympathy (a form of compassion) is required to achieve a Christ consciousness or Buddha mind state of unconditional love and compassion. Unconditional love is only available to us if we can achieve this balanced state of being drawing equally from kindness/agape/love and sympathy/compassion. It’s hard to achieve this balance because fear tends to block kindness/agape. Leaving the heart center only accessible through sympathy. It’s an imbalanced state of being. It’s not a full unconditional love like the ascended masters teach us to strive for. When we can only access love through sympathy it’s a sort of conditional love. Unconsciously we are only capable of love if we feel sorry for someone. Like we have a love handicap. We can only access love if our sense of empathy is invoked.

This imbalance where we are blocked by fear and struggling to reach our love center through only half of our capacity makes us vulnerable. Emotionally weakened. Without full access to our unconditional love and flow in and out of our heart chakra we are unbalanced.

When we are in fear we are suffering. Our heart chakra is blocked. We look outside ourselves for relief. We will be attracted to anything and anyone who seems like it will relieve us of our suffering. In extreme cases some gravitate toward addictive behaviors, others toward toxic people. We crave love and we can’t find satisfaction. Like someone who is thirsty and can’t drink enough to become satiated. Some look toward politicians who promise to make the things better, make people and laws they fear go away. We tend to look outside ourselves and blame circumstances outside our control for our fear.

These politicians somehow also know ( I guess the ruling class have always know these secrets of human nature) that they can activate their constitutes love for them by pulling on their pitty and sympathies. It’s like when one of the 5 senses isn’t working the other senses will become stronger. A blind person may have a stronger sense of hearing or a deaf person and stronger sense of vision or smell. When fear is blocking agape then sympathy is heightened. It doesn’t take much to gain a person in this state’s sympathies.

It’s a real wizard who can both stoke those fears, at the same time offer a false promise of relief and garner love of their victims while still stoking their fears. All in order to gain control. Control over the poor and the suffering. Using fear to manipulate is an old lure of politicians and some fundamentalist religious leaders. Those who have escaped it are more wise to it and also those who are enlightened but sadly anyone who has not had that experience yet is less able to see what is happening. To see that they are being manipulated.

The trap of fear is hard to get out of. There is actually no one outside ourselves who can release us. The key I have found to unlock fear is gratitude. Radical gratitude. When you become grateful for that which you fear – it no longer has power over you.

I once watched this YouTube video where a woman, a healer helped a person who was suffering with stage 4 cancer overcome their fear of death by finding a way to be grateful for the cancer. It was mind blowing. After much guidance and pushing – the terminally ill person started naming things that the cancer had done for her, experiences she had, growth opportunities that she would not have had without the experience of illness. She was crying. She experienced through this process of radical gratitude a release. A release of harboring all that fear. You could see the weight lift off her. She wasn’t angry anymore. The crying was like a dam broke and she was free. It completely changed her existence. Gave her back the days of life she still had. She could once again reach into her unconditional love space easily and with full access.

I see the politicians today exaggerating the news of damage from protesters for BLM. I see others infiltrating the protests to create more chaos and stoke the fires of fear among the masses, especially the people who are barely holding on. The ones who already fear they will lose what they’ve gained. Those with unchecked racial biases are the most vulnerable, they already have a fear of black, indigenous or people of color BIPOC that they are not consciously aware of and when they see protesters and threats of violence on TV it compounds all their fears and they become angry, their fear is on fire. This creates great suffering and angst. They look for leaders outside themself to sooth their fears. They believe the cause of the fear is outside themselves when actually the two situations may not even be linked. Social unrest in an urban inner city area is not something for a rural country person to fear. I have a friend who was espousing how terrible it was that there were violent protests in her neighborhood. I went the next morning to help clean up – it was not as bad as she had made it sound. Lots of people were out cleaning up. People were going about there day. It looked like the aftermath of street party or parade. But she was terrified.

When people allow their fear to go unchecked – they are vulnerable. They believe the very leaders who are calling for militia retaliation and perpetuating violence in the streets are the only ones who can save them from the threat that they fear. Oh the wizardry of it all.

In American and actually the world in 2020 fear all started well before the social uprising of the Black Lives Matter Movement in response to police killing an unarmed man. A fortuitous Jupiter and Uranus conjunction brought a real big shift energy that carried lots of fear of death and actual death to those who still live in that paradigm. Rather than providing the tools to help people, to protect people they saw that fear was driving a collective consciousness of denial. Even I wanted to be in denial of the pandemic at first. I was glad the president wasn’t making a big fuss about it in February. But then I had to acknowledge the fear and the reality. Since I don’t allow myself to live in fear or make decisions based on fear. I had to stop choosing denial and start acting from a place of truth, without fear. Preparing and planning for what was coming. As the leaders down played and shifted responsibility. I saw them become soothsayers to the fearful giving them permission to stay in denial. Using their fear to politicize public health advice and claiming falsely that only they can save us from the dreaded economic collapse that would come if we believed in the seriousness of the pandemic and chose to protect our families, neighbors and communities by staying home.

So many people around me in fear and denial. Calling me crazy for my calm and goal oriented approach to life right now. But really I feel so fine. Not afraid, not angry. Annoyed at the manipulation all around me and disgusted that lying manipulative politicians may continue to be in power – but not afraid. Staying and acting smart but not afraid. I know America won’t be safe if the current regime is allowed to continue. I’m making my contingency plans. Moving farther from their reach. Supporting the good work of many. Calling on St Michael to slay the dragons. Hoping for the best. Trying to help my friends stay out of fear. Practicing gratitude every day. Waiting for Jupiter and Uranus to move away from each other for good in January 2021.

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