Upon waking this morning, I had an insight. Three years ago I wrote a blog about a knowing I had after pulling weeds from my garden. It was a knowing about a man who channeled joker archtype energy, who was manipulative, racist and a master gas lighter – but more than that – he was a liar. He had been my boss and he had sowed seeds of doubt and lies into the garden that was my life, my beloved community. This morning I am reminded that the experiences I had then were a microcosm of the macrocosm that we are feeling in the United States now.
That man, my former boss, like the current president – was fired but he was allowed to work out to the end of the school year. He was the Director of a private school. In his last months and weeks he became more detached from directing the school and more outwardly annoyed that the board had voted to let him go. He never took any responsibility for his ruthless and divisive actions. Although he was of considerable age – he lined up a similar job at another private school and was able to continue his work in a new community. On his way out the door he continued to spew lies and sow seeds of doubt while he set his sights on his next source of power to save his ego.
This morning I am reminded of that microcosm and of the devastation to our community back then. It suffered for years after, most notably in the following year and has still never recovered. He moved on but the weeds grew up and strangled out much of the goodness in that original community. Those weeds have allowed the other thorny types to rise up and overtake the school. The beautiful fruits and flowers have shrunk back. Some of the great trees still stand but they are not as proud and the soil has eroded around their roots, now exposed.
When I wrote that blog back then, I reminisced about the opening chapter of A New Earth, where Eckart Tolle talks about flowers being the enlightenment of plants. This was such a beautiful analogy for me. I thought of the enlightened people that I have met. Those people who I imagine are like Christ or Buddha were, they have a presence about them and when you look into their eyes, wide open, you can see heaven through those windows into their soul. Flowers are special like that and the scent they share is a gift for all who take the time to notice
I also remembered Rudolf Steiner’s caution about lies. How dangerous they are – like spreading seeds of a weed into a community garden. They rise up rapidly and choke out what is good and beautiful for a long time after. They can cause the whole garden to need to be taken back to an empty bed that has to be started over.
In cards of destiny astrology I am a Jack of Diamonds and so is America. My microcosm is sometimes a reflection of America’s Macrocosm. This is an excerpt of that blog passage, it has meaning for me and for America in this time of presidential transition, I hope we are all getting ready to don our gardening gloves and get to work clearing out the flower beds of America:
Now what of weeds? They too are inspired. But there is something different about weeds. As I pulled them from my garden, I was contemplating this question. What makes a weed a weed? And why will it never become a beautiful and enlightened flower? I suppose the dandelions would argue that last statement with me but even the dandelions are different, weed like somehow. What is the quality of weeds? As I pulled them, I noticed some weeds were crab grass, they seemed gossipy to me, running on with their runners that would sprout a new tuft of grass down the line. I’d have to pull up the runners until I got to the source and then yank until I could get the roots out of the ground. Then there were the thorny types. They were harder to pull out, not because they were particularly deep but because they would hurt when their thorns stuck into me. There were some that were tall and confident like they were going to grow a flower some day but never did, those were actually the easiest to pull out. Their root went strait down and pulled up easily, they didn’t sprawl, they just stood up strait hoping I wouldn’t notice they were weeds. Fakers. There were some that were actually quit pretty and I almost felt bad pulling them out. But I did pull them out because I realized they would never become enlightened and were taking up space where my new flowering plants were going to grow. Then there were those very small weeds that had re-sprouted from my last weeding frenzy. Their roots had lied dormant under-ground until they were watered and then they re-grew. What all weeds have in common, I decided is a rugged individualism. Even the dandelions, seem like loaners in a way. They are only out for themselves. Trying desperately to claim their space, trying to fit in by pretending to be upright flowers, or by taking over and choking out the real flowers. Holding on for dear life. They’re not collaborators like a group of petunias or a group of pansies seem to be. As I pulled up each weed, what arose for me each time was a situation at my last job. A comment made by someone that was based on an un-truth. Or a look of doubt from someone who obviously had been told something negative about me. I started to really enjoy pulling out each weed. Each seed of doubt that had been planted in my energetic/spiritual garden by my former boss, a narcissistic man who wanted to blame everyone else for his own short comings. I spent four hours pulling weeds and it was very clearing for me, not only physically in my flower garden but emotionally and energetically too. I felt like I was taking back my space, my essence, my garden – to make room for new collaborative flowers to grow where once there had only been un-enlightened rugged individuals, each trying to take a piece of me.
Those years after the dictator of our beloved school community left, I had a lot of hard work to do to survive with my integrity and authenticity. I started my website and blog, achieved a lot of spiritual growth. Physically moved house three times. Sold properties, bought properties and re-aligned my life to create even more happiness and peace than I had in that first garden that was devastated by weeds. All this is to say that things got much better for me but I had a lot of work to do. And it was exhausting and hard work.
We can reclaim our garden with hard work, determination and grit. My resolve back in those dark days has become my greatest success. It wasn’t easy and there were times when it felt impossible. But my garden now is greater and my community even more beloved. I found healers and way-showers along my path and I never let go of the vision of what could be. Today and every day from this day forward- I will envision a UNITED States of America with liberty and justice for ALL. The goal is big, the work ahead is hard and the reward will be great. It will not be the same United States, it will be different, evolved and renewed with a greater capacity for abundance and joy.