When a soul has two incarnations at the same time it can be complicated. When these incarnations meet on earth it can be very de-stabilizing. Its different. Its not like meeting anyone else. It’s meeting yourself. It’s looking into the mirror of your soul through the eyes of another. It’s a puzzle. If the meeting happens when both are young -it could take a lifetime to solve it. Usually one will understand before the other what is going on. And no one would believe them if they told you. So they wait. With a secret. It’s excruciating. Then one day there is an opportunity. To share the secret. It comes as a question. And you can only tell the answer when you’ve been asked. Otherwise there is no opening to receive the wisdom or the truth of what is.
M: How do you feel about me?
F: (after a long pause) You are and always will be my first love. When I’m with you – it feels like a homecoming. That feels good. I miss that home feeling. A lot.
I’ve come to understand our soul connection in a way – it’s like we’re two sides of the same coin. When I look out into the world like the head of a coin might. I don’t see you in my life. You’re tails. But when I go inward you’re always there. In the background of my dreams, talking endlessly in my head. In my heart. Dancing in my imagination.
Sometimes when I forget who we are to each other. Two sides of the same coin. I wonder what you are doing or where you are or if you are safe and happy. Can you imagine the head of a coin wondering about its other side as if they were somehow leading two separate lives? It’s silly really. You are always with me. And yet I never see you. When the coin wrapper of this life falls away and the other coins who we’ve been sandwiched up next to also fall away from us. It will still just be us. The one coin. Alone. Whole. And complete without anyone else. Without the illusion that the one we see in front of us is connected to us. They aren’t. They can fall away – come and go. But we will always be. You think I’m not good enough. You like other coins better. I think your shallow and selfish. It doesn’t matter. I can’t love another as much as I love myself and so you will always have my unconditional love because we aren’t separate. I can’t I love you any more or any less than I can I love myself. And I’ve tried. I’ve felt unworthy. I’ve felt rejected. I’ve felt like I wasn’t enough. And I’ve looked for others to see me. To value me. And they did. But they were also only one side of another coin looking outside themself for wholeness and companionship. Dis-connected from who they really are. And disappointed when I can’t satiate their sense of longing to go home.
When you ask how do I feel about you? I feel you know. How I feel. And I know how you feel. And somehow hearing it makes us not crazy in this coin wrapper of a life that holds us in a certain way so that we are never alone enough to know who we really are. Hearing it is a truth. That resonates within us. I’m glad you asked. I’m grateful for the moment to ponder the answer. For the clarity.
I miss being alone. And being at home. And feeling just the one vibration. Without all the distractions. I miss us. I always will. And I’ll always be just right inside your heart and mind. Trying to tune out the world and the other coins. So I can just be us. I feel us in meditation. And so I spend a lot of time there now. I like it. Better than what’s outside myself. One day I hope you will stop looking out too and come in more often. Then we can be home. Cozy. Curled up. Watching a movie from the sofa of our heart space. Peaceful. Safe. Enough. Perfectly balanced inside. Until then – I’ll be grateful that we can never be separated even when I haven’t seen you in ages. Mindful of the illusion of it all. And respectful of the other coins who share space with us, see one side of us and don’t yet remember who they are.
F: Tell me what is love? _______________