I wrote this prompt for myself weeks maybe even months ago. Just the title. Symptoms of the Patriarchy. I don’t even remember when it happened. And tonight I felt the urge to write. Sometimes I feel messages just waiting to come through. Without giving it much thought I figured it would reveal itself and so I began. When I saw this title with no words just sitting, in my drafts folder. Funny thing is – this has been coming in so big this week. The perfect prompt.
Today as I write this, it is Easter Sunday. The first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox. And at the new moon just before the equinox we experienced transformational Pluto’s cross into Aquarius. Then the first of two consecutive new moons in Aries book-ending the full moon in Libra. The sign of balance and equality.
What’s come through so big during this time is narcissism. And its antithesis, co-dependence I’ll explain.
So just to back up for a moment. I was at a silent intensive meditation retreat at the time of the new moon and subsequent shift of Pluto into Aquarius. A few profound bits of wisdom were revealed at that retreat. One is a clearer understanding of twin soul encounters – when some meet another incarnation of yourself in the same lifetime. And how that creates a certain perspective and an awareness of the divine feminine and masculine within. For those of us twinning in this lifetime, it also illuminates for us, in a big way, our imbalances in that area. Gives us an external reference for the parts of ourselves that are internal and not in alignment from a masculine/feminine perspective. Another bit of relevant wisdom was spoken by a another at the retreat. She said, “at noon when the sun shines directly down – there is no shadow.” Right?! We’re at a moment that’s like 12 noon. A moment where there are no shadows to hide under. Where the imbalance that has resulted from a patriarchal society that has run its course, that is in full distortion, now with the scales of a full moon in Libra – sun directly overhead – cannot hide because shadow cannot exist at noon. It has all become clearly visible in the daylight.
As I was balancing my own perception of masculine and feminine within myself at the retreat, narcissism was being outed in the universe. I’d already been tackling co-dependence within myself for over a year. My feeling of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, of needing to take care of others while not being able to feel my own heart. Needing to control and being super sensitive to everyone else’s energy. But now for the first time I saw how my deficits fit perfectly into another’s imbalance. Why I keep attracting people with addiction into my life. It makes perfect sense to me that a person out of balance would attract another who is also out of balance. And if one came into balance within themself the symbiotic relationship would go topsy turvey. Until and unless the other also wanted to become balanced.
So what is narcissism? Besides the type -A stereotypical masculine archetype personality? It’s a facade. A mask of confidence. A certain self centeredness. A character that lacks depth and is boastful because it’s not authentic. One that finds fault in others. One that brags even without awareness that others are not impressed. Or maybe some are. or maybe they’re just polite. Or co-dependent. Sensitive to the need of the other to be heard. And be right. From a place of fear that if the narcissist is not heard, not stroked – they’ll lose it. And maybe even become dangerous. Turning their anger on their nearest source of energy. To drain them completely. And we’ve all done it to some degree. But for some it’s become a way of life.
It’s a way of being that is subtly dramatic. Maybe in words and language. Maybe in expression. Maybe they stomp their feet and raise their voice. Or scream explosives when they stub their toe. They express themselves in ways that don’t really take into consideration their surroundings or who is in the room. Except that they do it more when they can get away with it. When they have power over those in the room. It’s all about them. And their experience. And what they’ve done. And how difficult it was for them. Or what problem they’ve faced and how they had to overcome it. How everything you say about yourself reminds them of something that happened to them. How every parent child conference is about their childhood and how close the Apple has fallen from the tree. About how your story makes them feel – never empathy or acknowledgement about how you feel.
They also expect others to solve all their problems. They expect others to take care of everything. They don’t keep track of information. They don’t remember what you told them. They can be coy and innocent – seemingly unaware of the lack of integrity behind their actions. They expect you to answer their request for information on demand, whenever they need it even if you’ve already told them. Their lack of planning becomes someone else’s emergency. Oh and at the same time – they are happy to proclaim their inability to do it alone. To be a victim of circumstance. Or maybe it’s not an inability so much as it’s more easily delegated aka, beneath them. There is ego and arrogance in their way of going about life. Meanwhile they take credit for everything great in their life. Even if they weren’t very involved in pulling it off.
This behavior. Is shallow and self centered. And it’s a product of our patriarchal society. When a child is taught to suppress their feelings. Abused and also intimidated into silence. Or told by a parent that they are special in some way – but their lived experience doesn’t match the story – they can become narcissistic. They try to live up to the expectation by creating a facade. And they hide behind it hoping no one will notice their mediocrity. They become disempowered on a core level. From a spiritual perspective it can be understood as an unbalanced solar plexus. One that becomes so large it turns from a flowing yellow sun into more of a black hole that sucks in all the energy around it. Creating energy deficits from their own heart and sacral chakra around it. And also draining the energy of partners and family members who come close. Like an energy vampire.
Some signs I’ve noticed in both adults and children:
They make fun of other people or other children and can become bully’s causing others to agree with them and to join in.
They shut down comments from others that suggest they may have gotten their feelings hurt. They’re too good for that. They don’t hear or accept apologies. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. It didn’t bother me.” Almost talking over you. Blocking the words from being spoken at all.
They take any disagreement as criticism and they can’t take any criticism- it has no place to land because they’re not living in their depth. No conversation can take place where there is disagreement. It’s all received as an attack and reacted to accordingly. Or tabled and re-directed to their point of view.
They isolate their friend/partner from the rest of their peers/family. They only have space for one friend at a time. And preferably a co-dependent one who will focus all their energy on them. Sometimes in men is shows up as not having meaningful male friendships. And in women not having meaningful female connections. The couple that only hangs out with each other. The kids who don’t join the group or team but prefer to play alone – just the two of them.
You find yourself walking on eggshells around them. They are easily triggered.
They aren’t going to bend to another’s will. Collaboration is nearly impossible. They can’t see other perspectives. They falsely believe everyone shares their perspective. And that their perspective is right.
They are defiant when they are told what to do. They have a hard time taking direction. Unless they’ve made it part of their greatness. Like a super power. “I always do what you tell me.” Which translates to, I just blindly do what I’m told so if something goes wrong – I’m not responsible.
They feed off the energy of a crowd. And are attracted to the brightest lights. Or people who are codependent (willing to meet their needs).
They crave stimulation. In all it’s forms. They have trouble self regulating. Candy, caffeine, adult beverages, sex and even drugs. They encourage their partners to over partake too. Easier to drain their energy when they are inebriated. After all.
When children are raised in a home with a narcissist. They can become overly sensitive. Always on edge of the narcissist parent blowing up. They have no doubt experienced gaslighting and frequently don’t trust their own judgement. They are disempowered. Their parent sees them as an extension of themself. Or the spouse. Not as a a separate autonomous being. The child identifies as half of this parent always. And will be compliant until around age seven when children naturally start seeing themselves as separate from their parents. But the narcissistic parent never sees the child as separate. They will be horrified and embarrassed if their child acts out, mis-steps or does anything disapproving in front of another. And the child will be reprimanded accordingly. Not from the parent’s wish to help teach the child but from the parent’s own center of shame. Even the co-dependent parent may get in on this line of reasoning. Wanting to help protect the narcissist from any behaviors that would set them off or tarnish their mask of a reputation. In extreme cases the child will be labeled as broken when compliance cannot be co-erced. Sent away to treatment centers. Heavily medicated.
And if there is a narcissist parent then there is probably also a co-dependent parent. One who has no identity if they’re not out there helping to save everyone else. Or who identifies with their career or cause 100%. One who loses themself in work, volunteerism, motherhood. Or fatherhood. Or in being a spouse. One who has a deeply distorted view of their own beauty, self worth and value. Because they have put it all into the happiness and success of others. They identify with things outside themself. They don’t even realize it. They have dissociated from their self. Given all their power away. Eventually they exhaust. No capacity.
It’s the basis of every ill in our society. It’s a distortion of the patriarchy. A repeating pattern. W It’s a parent mis-treating their child without realizing it. It’s a spouse exhausting their mate and depleting them without realizing it. Or a boss or colleague who makes you cry. It’s a lack of healthy boundaries.
It can also show up as sexual addiction and what’s called a sexual narcissist. Where one boasts that they are the best lover. Like they know your body better than you do. They are both an “expert” at sex and also demonstrate intamacy deficit. Sex feels unbalanced energetically even while the energy taker acts as though they are so giving. The whole narrative is about them. And they are never satiated. They can and often do cheat.
Bullying, children on meds, drug and alcohol addiction, sex addiction, even racism is related to narcissism. And co-dependency is the sibling rival that also contributes to the perpetuation of nearly every I’ll of our human experience. Being human may be intrinsically linked to these powerful struggles in the world of duality.
And don’t even get me started on the spiritual narcissists. One must be very discerning to navigate this version of the distortion that is narcissism. I’ve seen a narcissitic and very popular astrologer implode on YouTube this week. Noticing. They are the gurus and the false profits and the religious leaders who abuse children. Power draining wherever they can. And some even have co-dependent partners who allow, hide, aid and facilitate. It’s so ugly. They can appear very perfect and shinning. They say all the right catch phrases. The energy sucking temper tantrums usually hide behind a curtain of secrecy. Toxic environments behind closed doors. Inside private homes and on backstages and TV sets. We hear rumors but in public they stand firmly in the facade of perfectionism. Mask and righteousness tightly affixed. Persona perfected. Only the discerning will notice. The small voices of dissent. The mis – alignment of the messaging. The inauthenticity. The lack of empathy. The subtle put downs. The grandstanding. Playing on your fears is the best way to take your power. When any one of us is in a place of fear. Be it a bad dream or conspiracy theory – the energy is flowing out of us at a rapid rate right to the one who caused the fear. Recognized or not. Seen or unseen.
This week as the sun shone down on this moment we also saw the poster child for narcissism, a former president of the US getting arraigned on charges of fraud because he thought the rules didn’t apply to him. Or if you believe his narrative, he is being persecuted. As all narcissists do. They take zero responsibility for their actions. They play a game of innocent, unintentional, can’t be held accountable victimhood. And deep inside they are vulnerable. The other narcissists relate to them. The co-dependents, the ultra sensitive feel bad for them. For those see who they really are. How scared they really are. How needy they are. They are the enablers.
Now as the patriarchy ends and the new earth comes in. The balancing time has come. The scales of Justice. It’s 12 noon and there are no shadows. No places to hide what is. The distortion is now visible in the daylight. The co-dependents are waking up to their own complicity. The narcissists are having their own rude awakening. The energy of balance is big right now. We’re walking through a portal between these two new moons in Aries. One that requires balance. The narrow path to the other side. Follow the way showers. They know the way. And Jupiter is close too. Today.
If narcissism implodes. And it is imploding. How will that be reflected in the world. As within so without and as above so below. Where will we see it manifest? Or dissipate? How messy will the implosion be?
How will we come back together after the implosion? In a more balanced and healthy way with divine masculine and feminine healing each other, working together, taking care. Giving up the raging egoistic temper tantrums and victimhood that elicits strong emotional responses in others. What if the black hole that exists in a narcissists solar plexus’ could shrink back into a normal range that doesn’t suck in everything around it? How much citrine would it take? How much better would the world be? Would it be heaven on earth? Im envisioning sweet camomile tea calming all our nerves where once only whiskey or wine could get us through the day. Calling back our power from all the places it has gone, been taken. Calling it all back. Now. What if we all called back our power? Like a grand energetic sanction of the narcissistic siphons. The scales in the hand of the rider of the black horse. The scales of Justice moving in to balance the distortion in the world that values money over meeting peoples basic needs for nourishment, over love and over safety in a way that is unsustainable. The third seal in the dream that is Revelation. That’s where we are in the story. The shadow horse has been un-sealed. We’re closing in on the new earth.